tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43876723148824051262024-03-14T05:51:50.904-04:00All ThatThis is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-86360193790607204772010-03-12T14:35:00.002-05:002010-03-12T14:45:27.777-05:00Again and againSo.............the boys went home. What a total clusterf#4k. This whole placement was nothing but crap the whole time. The casemanager was so bad at communicating that we didn't even know about a 48 hour visit until we were two hours late getting them there. Then when the boys came back, they smelled like pot smoke and I who is 3 yrs. old was acting out oral sex in the bathtub and touching J who is 2 yrs. old inappropriately. I reported this to the casemanager and she all but ignored it. So, I went to her boss who suspended the visits to investigate. After all this, the judge still ordered the children to go home, they have been in foster care for over two years. When we went to the outside agency to do the transfer, the rude facilitator said to my mother and I, "you can go now". I was summarily dismissed without so much as a thank you. And now I have to go to DCS Monday to talk to the family casemanager and her sup and my licensing manger about what went wrong.<br />Yup, I am now in waiting for more children. Nothing will stop me from putting the children first.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-92093816196543498712010-01-20T15:53:00.000-05:002010-01-20T15:54:46.622-05:00and again3 month old and 2 yrd old when to their aunt's. Now I have 2 and 4 yrd old boys. This makes 18 children so far. And I thought I would never have children!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-59851422147185729652010-01-13T14:16:00.001-05:002010-01-13T14:16:43.532-05:00Again3mos old and 2 yrs!! Very busy-very tired!!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-62150661177129314062010-01-09T14:37:00.002-05:002010-01-09T14:39:36.499-05:00Surgery and healingI had another back surgery on Dec. 4th and am now healing quite well after some complication and nerve damage.<br />I have gotten a call about three children who need placement. 1 month old-2 and 4yrs old. I am now just waiting on the call to see when they will be brought to me.<br />Work is going well and all is calm and peaceful. Praise God for allowing me to serve children in need.<br />I will be trying to get PG again but don't know when. I am willing wait for the right time.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-33973875854704187452009-11-18T10:10:00.002-05:002009-11-18T10:13:13.273-05:00Two more babies!!I have two more little ones, 23 mos and 3 yrs. They have seen alot and are VERY busy little ones. This will mark their 4th placement in foster care. They do have visits with their mother. I think with a little time and putting them on a decen schedule, they should be fine. I was told this would be longer term, so here goes!!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-15925517799244771652009-11-14T12:37:00.002-05:002009-11-14T12:40:18.704-05:00still a foster parentI am still fostering and have had two more placements since my last post. I am still waiting for that adoption match and am coming to terms with my fertility issues. I am still hopeful that someday I will get pregnant and have a baby of my own.<br />I am so busy with fostering and work that I don't blog very much or get to visit my favorite people (hey Tammy!) but I am still around!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-21348985019683767612009-09-08T16:44:00.003-04:002009-09-08T16:55:38.465-04:00One more time....3 more children, J is 7mos a beautiful baby girl, M is 2 looks like an American girl doll and A is 8 yrs such a gentleman. This is a short term, emergency placement and my heart goes out to these kids. Apparently they were taken from the home due to "unfit living conditions". The case investigator could not even make it past the front door without gagging from the stench. Little M was eating dogfood and mom was letting her because she didn't have time to feed her real food. Yet, sadly, these children are expected to go back very soon. I can't have children naturally but these cockroaches can have as many as they want and treat them like garbage. what up God?Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-7587462338251515422009-08-22T16:02:00.002-04:002009-08-22T16:04:51.836-04:00waiting is hellyes it is. I am still waiting for a child. I have told my case manager that I want only one child this time and preferably one who is a newborn with limited parental contact (adoption potential). I know this sounds heartless, but the pain of giving up the children was heartwrenching.<br />Work is going well, very busy and I still have the overzealous supervisior from hell. Well that's pretty much it. I wish everyone well and you are in my prayers Tammy and Mark.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-32058206980928816962009-08-08T17:10:00.002-04:002009-08-08T17:13:05.423-04:00and now....the wait begins again. I took the children home to their mother, who by the way is trying very hard to turn her life around. It hurt more than I expected. It kind of felt like the miscarriages. I am now in wait for a newborn to adopt from the foster care system.<br />There are a few things I have learned from this experience.<br />1. the foster care system SUCKS. They put foster parents and kids through hell.<br />2. they take forever to pay you. I had the kids for six weeks and still have not been paid yet.<br />3. Parenting is hard, nuff saidRoxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-19666457682459357062009-07-21T10:36:00.002-04:002009-07-21T10:39:43.527-04:00WEEEELLL.....I now have 3 children. C is age 5, X is age 3 and L is 2. My life have been turned upside down and any thought of painting my toenails or brushing my hair has vanished. I love these kids and they are a challenge to say the least. They have parental visits, dr. visits, dentist visits and visits to the moon. If I didn't have my mom or Donovan I would be screwed. I have taken alot of family time off of work so now my wallet is uber empty. Buuuttt I wouldn't have it any other way. I am a mommy at last.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-45404115060013051002009-06-12T10:53:00.003-04:002009-06-12T11:01:14.704-04:00Good times.....Well, I am officially a licesnsed foster parent. I am in waiting for a child and am sitting very close to my phone 24-7. I will be taking newborn to 4 years old and it could happen at any time. And I mean ANY time. My arms are empty and ready to hold that baby. I haven't really thought about TTC for a while but I am not willing to give up on that.<br />Things are going quite well for now. I am physically doing better, although I hernated another disc in my back. I am prone to disc issues because of a previous back injury. I deal with the pain fairly well, but being pregnant will put alot of stress on my back.<br />I want to take the time to congratulate those who have their babies by adoption or birth. I am so happy for all of you.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-32860295164650816632009-05-06T16:37:00.002-04:002009-05-06T16:44:03.035-04:00Long time no postwow that was a looong break from posting. Here's an update in particular order<br />1) Foster Parenting- still waiting on the homestudy, paperwork is done and classes are complete. The nursery is done and the most gorgeous shades of yellow and green ever! I am getting exited and so ready to be a mom. I also did some renovations on the rest of the house and now am scrutinizing EVERYTHING. I should be a foster mom by my B-day in July.<br />2) Health- I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It hurts all the damn time every damn where but I am taking good medication and am learning to deal with things and take care of myself first. It probably stems from my back injury a few years ago but there is no way of knowing. The bad things is the meds (lyrica) have made me gain weight so I am fighting that off as well.<br />3) TTC- I will be starting up again in August for sure, I need time to adjust to fostering and get my body strong again.<br />Let me just congratulate all the folks who are seeing their dreams come true and getting their postive EPT's and babies. For the rest of us, let's just keep trying......together.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-39595807918729371352009-03-11T14:46:00.002-04:002009-03-11T14:51:23.100-04:00quick updateJust a quick update-Foster parent classes are going great, I am really learning alot and feel that I am just about as ready as I will ever be to take this on. I am getting the house and nursery ready for the homestudy.<br />Work is going ok. We are getting busy and stay busy on most days. I do feel like morale is pretty low and I try not to let it affect me but it does when the shit gets deep.<br />Physically, my back is getting worse again and it is causing a domino effect throughout my body. I have gained quite a bit of weight due to medication and lack of physical activity (from weather and back pain). I am doing everything I can to remedy this and hope to be in good condition to TTC by my b-day in July. That's all folks!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-8844623418861299072009-02-24T10:10:00.002-05:002009-02-24T10:57:35.028-05:00Thanks!!I appreciate everyone who left a comments on the previous post. I love having a "crew" behind me.<br />As an update, things are going well. I had my first foster parenting class this past Sat. and it was wonderful. I really feel like things are going forward. Finally. I should be TTC by May if all goes well. But we all know very well the roadblocks that can crop up at any given moment.<br />My kitty Julia Child had her spay surgery yesterday. She is doing very well so far and is back to her bitchy self. No unlike her mommy at all:)Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-32461714781610741242009-02-12T16:45:00.002-05:002009-02-12T16:50:43.143-05:00WHAT?to the person who left the last comment asking me to follow the link to the most moronic blog I have ever seen, good for you. You have the freedom of speech to say whatever idiotic thing you want. However, you don't know me or my situation. I don't believe that infertility indicates that a person should not have children. I don't believe that donor concieved children are inherently unhappy, rather, people like you make society a very unhappy place for any child or human for that matter that does not "fit" the mold. I am becoming a foster parent because I believe EVERY child deserves a loving, stable home. It doesn 't matter if that home is parented by two people or one or a family consisted of grandparents, aunts, uncles or whoever.<br />I am Native American, our family values extend WELL BEYOND the traditional two parent family. We truly believe that everyone in a childs life, regardless of biological ties is responsible to raising a child to be a decent person.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-37036273682129712672009-02-12T10:37:00.003-05:002009-02-12T10:53:24.095-05:00My efforts to reorganizeLately I have been feeling rather stagnant. So, I regorganized almost everything in my home and workspace. What a difference that makes. I now have a clear picture of what I have and what I really don't need. I was able to clear so much space and get rid of mucho clutter. I have also noticed that my bank account has benefited as well. Keeping on top of things is much easier than trying to play catch up later.<br />The paperwork for foster care is about 98% done and I am now getting ready for home study, which will come after the classes. I am also getting back to charting my cycles, which by the by are still weird. I estimate that I will have foster child in my home by June and will TTC by May so, get ready for a full house!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-20019809135107368952009-02-04T09:09:00.002-05:002009-02-04T09:25:44.471-05:00Foster updateWell, the mountain of paperwork involved with foster parent licensing is massive and I am finally making a noticeable dent. My physical is complete and the TB will be "read" this Friday. Since my training starts Feb21st, my goal is to get all of the paperwork turned in by then. I still have to get copies of my cats rabies vac. and copies of my drivers license and insurance. Oh, and I have to write a family biography. So much to do, it is kind of overwhelming<br />I have an announcement to make, I have a new little kitty. His name is Rocco Brian (after Rocco Di Spirito and Brian Urlacher) and he is adorable. My neice Jazmin's cat, Miss Kitty, the same cat who had Jaques and Julia had another litter in Sept. Rocco was the last cat left and would have been sent to the humane society but I could not let that happen. Our humane society is overrun with cats and they euthanize most of the new cats coming in. Rocco is not a replacement for Jaques at all, I still miss him terribly but he is helping the healing process. He is white and tan orange tabby and is very sweet and affectionate. So now I am back to four cats. I swear I am the crazy cat lady, they are going to find me 80 yrs old, dead with a million cats eating my carcass and hiding in the floorboards of my house.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-16145776228385364102009-01-27T12:47:00.003-05:002009-01-27T12:52:10.317-05:00The fun begins..............So I start my foster care training Feb21st and it should be 5 consecutive Saturdays from 9am to 4pm. In the meantime there is a massive pile of paperwork, including a family biography to complete. So pretty much every moment of my life is spoken for right now. Doing this is keeping my mind off of the bad crap that has happened in the past few weeks.<br />I have decided that I will TTC again in a few months regardless of a foster care placement. I am just not ready to give up on a pregnancy of my own yet. I am getting out all of my baby stuff that I bought and getting the nursery ready, that is fun and again keeps my mind in a more postive place. I have alot to do to get ready for this child. Here's to a new year that hopefully gets better and better everyday!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-546986668977608712009-01-16T11:06:00.003-05:002009-01-16T11:50:25.715-05:00My sweet Jaques<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR35HJFRN8jBpk3i0VXM8N7rLA8-UlaxB49CamJdtbPbRYncQcMONbD_-N7BI-yd5b-Q1HoYBsOoyveHezYODHgyxtCg2UJ_INcKFK-FFkijIt6qe6uSTE6b7YcP8Zq2NQf-ryLVtjADk/s1600-h/Jaques+Photo.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291934875741656354" style="WIDTH: 153px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR35HJFRN8jBpk3i0VXM8N7rLA8-UlaxB49CamJdtbPbRYncQcMONbD_-N7BI-yd5b-Q1HoYBsOoyveHezYODHgyxtCg2UJ_INcKFK-FFkijIt6qe6uSTE6b7YcP8Zq2NQf-ryLVtjADk/s200/Jaques+Photo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>My baby kitty Jaques Pepin, passed away yesterday afternoon. He was just shy of 9mos old. I had him neutered this past Friday and when I brought him home, he seemed fine. However, he had a heart defect that the surgery kind of brought to the surface Wednesday afternoon. I went home early due to the weather and when I saw him, I knew something was wrong. He was panting heavily and could not move on his own. When I brought him into the vet, she gave him a diretic and tried to get him to release some of the fluid buildup but it did not work. Late yesterday afternoon, he died. I miss him so much it hurts physically. I held him for a long time and I still feel like there should have been something I could have done.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-68866096928450299482009-01-13T16:51:00.003-05:002009-01-13T16:54:19.824-05:00N*ew P*o*stI decided that I would do th*is because every other blo*ger is doi*ng it and i*t looks fun*! Seriously, I am trying on my old sense of humor for a change. Same crap, different day just trying to handle it like I used to and that is with a grain of sa*t.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-54419561498221708482008-12-22T08:54:00.002-05:002008-12-22T09:55:32.525-05:00Warm Wishes!!I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Very Happy New Year. I appreciate every one of you and the support you have given me over the past year. It is so hard to belive this year is almost over already. I have had good times and bad times this year as life goes on.<br />The bad times were tempered by the love and affection of my friends and family and the good times were celebrated as well.<br />I am officially announcing that I am going to become a foster mother. I will be training begining Jan. 21st and will taking newborn to 5 yrs old. I do hope this leads to adoption and I will be continuing to TTC on my own as well when the time is right, probably March or April.<br />All in all good things are coming my way. I wish for a house full of kids this Christmas, maybe St. Nick will make my wish come true by next year!!Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-84159082151265150962008-12-09T12:07:00.003-05:002008-12-09T12:29:32.706-05:00Trying too hardI am trying too damn hard to get into a decent Christmas mood. I am not feeling it (yet) this year. Between money, baby depression and stuff in general I am downright blue. I know there are people who are worse off than myself but damnit I feel bad. There I said it. We have a young lady here in my office who is due to give birth any moment and I feel bad for feeling bad about being jealous of her. I know my time is coming but right now all I can think about is, this time last year I was sure I would have had my baby by now.<br />This past saturday night I went to my office Christmas pary at a local country club. The food, drinks and music were wonderful so that was a nice break and distraction from the everyday.<br />Thanksgiving was at my house and it was nice to have everyone there. Anika and Mekah were the "hostesses" and were making sure everyone had drinks and plenty of food. They are so cute, I am such a lucky aunt Roxy to have SIX wonderful kids who love me so much. Donovan is on the varsity wrestling team this year and is doing great. Jazmin is heading into her last semester as a high school student and we are getting her ready for college life. Aren is a wonderful musician and artist and has a young man he is interested in dating, my brother stands at the back door and watches them so carefully when they have their little get togethers, as he has done for all of this children when they begin dating. So funny to watch! Dalton is a little heartbreaker, he is so handsome and has the cutest dimples and bright green eyes. It seems like everytime I see my nieces and nephews, they get bigger and more grown up.<br />Mom is doing ok. The lupus is taking it's toll as it often does in the colder months, but she is so strong and her attitude is so inspiring. She never stops encouraging me to keep trying for my baby.<br />Well, that is the latest quick and dirty update, I know I haven't been blogging as much as I should or commenting on others blogs but I do read them as much as I can and I keep all of you in my prayers. Thanks to all whose kind words have helped me with regards to my last blog entry.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-46760100344264244942008-11-19T08:50:00.003-05:002008-11-19T08:56:46.459-05:00RememberingI had a miscarriage, two of them actually, last year. It has taken me this long to really admit it and talk about it. It hurts like hell and is unimaginable in terms of the emotional pain. My mom and I had a little ceremony at my grandparent's grave. I wrote a letter to my babies and buried it next to their headstone. I don't know the sex of the babies, I was barely six weeks along with both of them but I have been thinking about naming them. Gabriel and Ellis. I need some kind of closure on this as I have been so scared to try again. I feel like when I do finaly get pregnant I will need to walk on eggshells until it is "safe" to be happy about it. I would appreciate any input on this from people who have gone through this. Thanks.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-72285866956674418832008-11-13T16:18:00.002-05:002008-11-13T16:23:43.784-05:00No that is not meThe picture I have posted with my profile is not me. That is my shero, Frida Kahlo. She and I look very much alike with the exception of my padded flesh. I don't have a real picture posted of myself because 1. I don't know how and 2. I still use film, I don't even have digital camera.<br />Frida's strength and grit are a true testament to what a woman and endure and survive. Like me, her sexuality was fluid and she was not afraid to live and love on her own terms.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387672314882405126.post-22777510572916760162008-11-11T16:08:00.003-05:002008-11-11T16:12:31.650-05:00Steady as she goesThings are pretty stable at the moment, that is really saying something. It is nice to have peace and quiet for once with no big drama happening. I still have my wishlist ie: money, instant weight loss, instant pregnancy etc. BUUTTT things are ok for now. I am so looking forward to have some time off for the holidays, that can't come soon enough.<br />My heart goes out to Tammy and Mark. Just know that I understand and I love you guys.Roxymommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09185940072585658097noreply@blogger.com1