This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


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Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I had a miscarriage, two of them actually, last year. It has taken me this long to really admit it and talk about it. It hurts like hell and is unimaginable in terms of the emotional pain. My mom and I had a little ceremony at my grandparent's grave. I wrote a letter to my babies and buried it next to their headstone. I don't know the sex of the babies, I was barely six weeks along with both of them but I have been thinking about naming them. Gabriel and Ellis. I need some kind of closure on this as I have been so scared to try again. I feel like when I do finaly get pregnant I will need to walk on eggshells until it is "safe" to be happy about it. I would appreciate any input on this from people who have gone through this. Thanks.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

No that is not me

The picture I have posted with my profile is not me. That is my shero, Frida Kahlo. She and I look very much alike with the exception of my padded flesh. I don't have a real picture posted of myself because 1. I don't know how and 2. I still use film, I don't even have digital camera.
Frida's strength and grit are a true testament to what a woman and endure and survive. Like me, her sexuality was fluid and she was not afraid to live and love on her own terms.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Steady as she goes

Things are pretty stable at the moment, that is really saying something. It is nice to have peace and quiet for once with no big drama happening. I still have my wishlist ie: money, instant weight loss, instant pregnancy etc. BUUTTT things are ok for now. I am so looking forward to have some time off for the holidays, that can't come soon enough.
My heart goes out to Tammy and Mark. Just know that I understand and I love you guys.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

YES WE CAN!!!!!!

My fellow AmeriCANS, real change is on the way. I am so uber exited it is not even funny. I have been raised a liberal, die hard Democrat so this is fun for me anyways. However, my state Indiana has voted Democrat for the first time since LBJ!! We have spoken!! Do you think I have used enough exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Back in the saddle again baby

I am back after a break from baby talk and baby thought. I now have to wait AGAIN to TTC until Feb or Mar. This is due mostly from financial concerns but also about how my weight is affecting my chances. I have to lose weight or has less of a chance to work in my favor. SOOOOO, that is what I am doing. Taking the time to eat healthy and lose weight and also to get my money in order. I took a big hit when I had an emergency and now I am playing catch up and gearing up for the holiday gift buying rush.
Work is going well, we have fun and things are good. Having a sup who is younger does have it's benefits. I just wish I got paid more, but what else is new. We do have preggo lady here and watching her belly pass by me everyday is damn hard. I just have to keep believeing that my time will come.
Family is good. The kids are growing by leaps and bounds and getting mouthier by the day. I love them so much, they keep me going sometimes when I would rather give up.