This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


My photo
Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My swimmers are to arrive today!

Well, since my opks seem to be getting darker I had the tank arrive today. So IUI WILL be taking place this week or this weekend.
On another note, I was reading through my past posts and realized just how whiney I sound. I use this place to vent but geez I complain a lot. Mostly about money and my job. The clomid does play with my moods but I will try in the future to make mention of the good things going on in my life. Such as, Anika is coming to stay the night with me and Mom tomorrow. We are both so exited. She is now walking and is so beautiful. She talks a little and it is so neat to watch her. I will be taking tomorrow night off just to spend time with her.

Monday, July 28, 2008

And the testing begins

today is cd 11 and I begin opk testing. I am getting very anxious for this to happen. It seems like it took so long to get here and now it is going full speed ahead.
Last night was Anika's 1st b-day party and she was sooo cute. Mom and I gave her, her first bible and a little precious moments angel doll that says a prayer. The entire time I was imagining my childs 1st day and what that would feel like. I have been very weepy so it was all I could do to keep it together.
On the job front, it has become increasingly clear that taking this job was a mistake. So, I have applied for my old job at Liberty. I am aware of the office politics and the demands of that job and it is very out in the open there. Here everything is covert. I was hired at a way lower salary than what I was making with the promise of a raise in July (this month) and I was given a raise of 250$ dollars. Whoa! stand back I can now quit my 2nd job. The problem is, I am not being trained to handle more responsibility and was now told that they will not be training me for more because they don't have a budget to pay me more. I will not be able to work two jobs while pregnant and this job is not for me. Live and learn I guess. So hopefully, my old job will take me back. If not, then I will have to stay here for a while longer. I am not a job hopper so all of this make me feel a bit insecure. I just keep praying that something good will happen soon.

Monday, July 21, 2008

She has arrived!!

As of my B-day July 18th AF arrived. On CD3 which was sunday (yesterday) I boarded the Clomid roller coaster. Hold on tight!!! IUI should occour on or around Aug 3rd or 4th if my body cooperates. So I call today to schedule my shipment of lucky #190
Right now I am so exited and it is helping to counter the dissapointment and stress of going back to work after having a wonderful 4 days off. The hot flashes are something else altogether. Especially in this 90 degree 100% humidity heat. Well here we go folks. And word up to Tammy and Mark who did their IUI's this weekend!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Anticipation is the hardest part

It is not now cycle day 27. I am awaiting AF to start the clomid and get the TWW underway. I can hardly stand this wait. I seem to be getting very iritable with almost everyone. Most of the time I am able to stay positive but there are times when someone will get rude with me (job hazzard in financial aid) and I will want to rip them apart.
Working two jobs is getting a little easier but the people at my full time job who know I clean offices at night are really condescending about it. They would have never known if someone (the office snoop) hadn't seen me changing clothes in the bathroom and asked me why. I foolishly told her and now everyone is calling me Hazel. This is a elitist university and that type of thing is beneath them in their minds. Little do they know how I struggle to make it on my own. Speaking of which I would like to give a huge shout out to all the SMBC's who are doing it for themselves!!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Ok, it happened

Saturday, finally got a good positive on the opk and sunday was really dark. This morning, was faint, so I probably o'd yesterday by the o pains I had. So, yes, I feel much better. Next cycle will be the big one! I am getting exited and anxious. It should happen around the 1st of August.
Next Friday the 18th is my 33rd b-day. I was hoping to be preg or be a full fledged mommy by now. I am ok with still be on the ttc track but you don't really just get over it, ever. Those with fertility issues understand where I'm coming from. Your mind just never really let's go of the "what if?"
I will be going into Chicago for my b-day and spending the day at the aquarium and having a nice lunch with my mom. That alone will get me through the next two weeks of 13 hour workdays and 90 degree heat.
Good luck and babydust to all!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Should I be worried?

Today is CD16 and still no clear opk. If anything, those faint lines are getting lighter. I can't help but worry, having a child means everything to me. I am trying very hard to stay calm and distract myself but my mind keeps going back to thinking, "did I do something wrong?". Am I drinking too much coffee, stressing too much, what? Normally, if I O on my own it is around CD 24 so I shouldn't be surprised. BUUUTTTTT I want the Clomid to do it's thing. Ya know?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

oh where oh where can my little egg be?

I still do not have a pos OPK. This is now CD15. I think I may be delaying it with all my stress. So, I will take the 3 day holiday weekend to relax and let it all go.
The working two jobs thing is not that bad. Physically, cleaning offices is hard on my poor, fat, out of shape body, but I will get better with it. I keep reminding myself (as the gas prices rise) that it is for my own good. It will take a good four months for everything to even out financialy but I am not sure that I can do this while in early pregnancy. I will give it my best shot but my baby comes first and I will quit in a hearbeat if I need to.
I keep praying and having faith that I will get my BFP with this next cycle and start off on my own new adventure.