This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


My photo
Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I start my new job Dec. 17th. I go take my hair drug test tomorrow morning. I am so exited.
This marks the begining of a fresh start for me. It's about time something good happend!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Thank you

To all who had kind words for me this week. I am feeling much better. I know that letting her go was the most loving thing I could have done. She was treated with love and respect by the vet and that also helped me to make the decision. I guess I just didn't realize how hard this would be.
Thanksgiving was wonderful. The dinner turned out well and having all six of my nieces and nephews was such good medicine for me. My beautiful sister in law and I had some time to talk about my TTC. It feels so good to be able to be open and honest about this. The support from the boards and my family has made all the difference.
Apart from Thanksgiving the entire week has been stressful. From losing Sasha to work stuff. My third interview is this Wed. and I fully expect to be posting good news. I bought a new power outfit to wear just to boost my confident and project an image of professionalism. Send me all the positive vibes you can spare!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My Sasha is gone

I am in so much emotional pain right now it hurts to breathe. I had to euthanize my 15 yr old kitty this morning. She was so sick and had lost control of her bladder and bowels. There was nothing I could do for her. My mom took her in and stayed with her until she passed, I could not handle it. Mom said she didn't know what happend and was in no pain. I miss her so much. She was such a loving kitty.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


It's down to me and one other person for the job. I go back next wednesday the 28th for a 3rd and final interview. My former boss emailed me today to let me know that she gave me a glowing interview. I guess I should be flattered that out of 58 applicants I am in the top two. I just really want out of my current job so bad. I am so tired of being treated like a mindless imbecile. I am college educated, self sufficient, hard worker. I don't need to be constantly monitored and "coached" on how to display the "proper company behavior". Whatever. Well wish me luck next week, I am really working hard to get this job and damnit I deserve it!!!
Tonight and tomorrow after work I will be getting the house ready for Thanksgiving. There is not that much to do but I just need to make sure the breakables are out of reach of the babies and the bathroom has enought TP and soap. You know the usual company's coming over stuff. Well, I wish everyone a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! Whatever your plans just take the time to remember what good things you have been given.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


That's how I feel right now and not in a good way. I think I may be coming down with something. Yesterday at work was torture and not just for the obvious reason that I hate my damn job. I can't concentrate and I stumble over my workds. LOL!!
The interview with ND on Friday was spectacular. It could not have been more perfect. I will be surprised if I don't get the job. If I get it then I will have Christmas week off. I have not had a holiday week off since I started this crap job. Both people I interviewed with were so personable and nice. It felt like I was having a conversation with my friends over a cup of coffee. I have never had an interview go so smoothly. I hope that is a good omen. They said that they will call tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest with the word on whether I got it or not and I will start the first week of December. Please pray for me, or send my your positive thoughts.
AF is still here, 8 days later. I have never had a period last this long. But then again until I began TTC my cycles were perfect. My amazing and beautiful SIL is being so supportive about all of this. I can't believe I thought she would'nt be. I'm thinking of asking her to come with me for the IUI. My mom will be there and I would love to have them both there to hold each hand.
I bought my turkey for Thanksgiving. 18.5 lbs. I hope it will be big enough :) Yes I cook, and my family comes to my house every year. My little house just bursts at the seams with my mom, brother and SIL and their six kids.
Well, here's to a great week. BABYDUST to all in the TWW right now.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The verdict is in

And the results are not surprising. My progesterone is very low and I ovulate irregularly. The nurse was very optimistic about my chances though. My first cycle in January I will start clomid and then follow up with ultrasounds and a trigger shot. My OB won't be doing the IUI but she has put me in touch with her partner who will do it. I love my Dr. so much!! She is the first OB who has taken the time to listen to me and run the tests I needed. I'm glad I know now instead of the constant worrying and second guessing myself.
The sperm bank lost my registration papers again! I mailed them for the 3rd time today. I hope they make it this time. I had wanted to order the long profiles on my top 4 choices and take the month of December to pick one.
My interview in tomorrow morning. I am not nervous, just ready. I have been worried about how the change in jobs will affect my finances but I know that it will all work out. I can't let that affect my life all the time. I am trying to think positive and stay focused on bringing my baby in to the world in a loving and calm body.
Well, wish me luck and I will let you know the outcome!!! BABYDUST!!!!!!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Cycle day 2?

AF showed up last night. Full force. I guess after a 53 day cycle she was ready to show.
I am hoping this puts me back on track with my regular cycles.
I got a 2nd interview at ND this Friday. Wish me luck. I really need to change jobs. I have been unhappy with my current job for some time now and I know that it is affecting my TTC efforts.
Tomorrow is the lab tests. I will post to let you all know how that went. Babydust to all!!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

What a difference

a quiet weekend and a hot bubblebath makes. I feel so much better. I slept for 12 hours last night and have just been taking it easy. I did spot a little last night. I don't know what is going on with that but it has stopped. Never in my life have I had a late period and now all of the sudden my cycles are whacked. My mom says it's a case of the boiling pot. You know "a watched pot never boils". I think she may be right. The stress of the past month has gotten to me. Normally I am able to shrug off anything but TTC is another story. Well, here's to a great week. I will keep you all posted on my test results.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Peace at last

I had my interview with ND yesterday morning. It went very well and I will know by this Tues. if I got a 2nd interview. I am really hoping I got the job, but I have made peace with the fact that I may need to stay with my current company for a while. I went to the farmers market this morning with Mom. We had so much fun and found some great bargins. I really needed to get out for a while. All the stress over job, money, and TTC have taken a toll on my nerves.
On the TTC front my progesterone and TSH tests are this Tues. I am slightly nervous about the results but once we know then we can do something about it. I keep having dreams that I get my BFP in Jan with the first IUI. I know that it is always a 20% chance of BFP but I will aways stay positive. I believe Tammy and Marlana when they say that I will be a mommy.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


So I call my new sperm bank yesterday to see if my papers got there ok and order the long profiles on my top choices.Well, they lost them!! I have to fill them out again and pay my Dr. 15$ to sign them and start all over. Add to the fact that work is crappy and my interview at ND is on Friday. Mom is having some minor outpaitent surgery next week and my paycheck is gone before I get it this Fri. AHHHH! Ok, now that I got that out of my system LOL!!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Finally good news

I was called for an interview at Notre Dame.YAYYY!!! I am so ready for a job that I don't hate going to everyday. I started out loving my current job and it does pay well. However, the stress, scheduling and people make it an unpleasant place to spend my days. I have been sending my resume to ND for a few months. I pray that the interview goes well and I can turn in my resignation by the end of the this month. I miss being around open minded people that don't immediatly turn their nose up at differences.
I think that a change of jobs will help in the TTC process as the stress is a major concern as well as scheduling. My current job is very strict about attendance and does not allow make up time. If you miss work you have to use vacation time and you are given "points" that count against you. Everything is by the book. No special circumstances allowed. I remember when I first started working there one of the ladies baby died of SIDS. Awful and heartbreaking enough but they made her bring in a death certificate before they would let her take time off. Despicable.
Well, enough ranting about that.
Heres to a great week to all!!! Babydust to all my ladies in the TTC journey!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Trying not to let worry creep in

I keep thinking about the test results and I can't help but worry. According to my chart I did not ovulate last cycle and I only had a couple of days of light bleeding. I know the annovulatory cycles are ok once in a while. It is my worst nightmare to be infertile and never have a child of my own. I know that is not likely but when something unexpected happens I think it is human nature that we try to prepare ourselves for the worst. Thank you to all who support me and give me the words of encouragement that I need. And that means you Tammy!! I am sending you lots of babydust!!