This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


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Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

About that car of yours....

Well it was about 20 below today and my car doors were frozen shut. So, I called in to work and let them know I wouldn't be in. An hour later when I got the door opened and started the car, it acted as if I were killing it. Spitting, sputtering and misfireing like crazy. So I took it down the block to my mechanic where he found that it needed new iginition (spark plug) wires which will cost me over 200$ with labor. So here I am now even more broke. CRAP!! I am so frustrated. Why can't these things be spaced out instead of happening all at once. Add to that I had to call in to a job I just started. They understood but still that does not look good.
On a different note heres a shout out to Tammy and Mark who are leaving for Hawaii on Saturday!!! You guys are so lucky to get out of this midwesten tundra. Have FUN!!!!!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Good day

Hada good day today. Just a plain old good day. Nothing spectacular happened other than AF showed up in her normal way. My car is still having issues, I'm still short of cash but I feel good. I guess I just realized that life goes on even when I have my problems. I'm sorry it took me 32 years to figure that out.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


That is how much weight I have lost as of this morning!! I guess when I really put my mind to it I can do it. Nah really, my secret is I have been taking Alli, the pill that removes 25% of the fat you eat. It was expensive but I figured it would be a good tool along with a healthy diet and so far so good. I have not had any the the "treatment effects" as they are called which it hard to control bowel movements and oily stool. I am too afraid of crapping my pants to go over my fat gram allowance LOL!!
I have also been walking from the parking lot to my office which is about a 1/4 mile instead of taking the shuttle and walking the stairs at lunch. I would be doing more but it has been subzero here for most of the past two weeks.
I have also found a great financial plan on the web and will be going by a budget that it created to get back on track within the next few months and get my ass out of debt. I have a bad habit of going shopping when the going gets rough and baby has it been rough the past several months. I got myself in over my head and will get myself out.
Every positive step it take gets me closer to my little angel. I keep saying that don't I? Well I guess it will be my mantra!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


That is how much my ER visit cost. WOW!!! Gratefully I have pretty good insurance and my co-pay is $120. I can handle that. Speaking of money, when is rains it pours and I don't mean in a good way. My car started having some issues with the cold weather (it is -12 here in IN) and I took it in to have it looked at-that cost me 60$. Of course there is nothing wrong with the car other than it is 11 yrs old. Also my highly advanced system of keeping track of my bills( putting them in a drawer and then paying them online when they are due) has failed. Three different bills fell in the back of the drawer and are now late so not only do I have late fees I have to make two payments to catch up. I am usually not this disorganized but with not feeling well lately I have just let some things go. So my plan is to catch up and try like mad to get ahead with my tax refund which I should have by late Feb.
I have lost 3lbs!!! I feel really good about that considering that I have not been able to excerise as much as I would like due to the weather. Every pound lost is a step closer to my little angel.
Work is also going very well. I feel so at home there and have made some great friends. No one knows about my TTC and I won't tell until I feel it is appropriate. Leaving the job from hell was the best thing I could have done.
Last but not least, I am sending baby dust to all my ladies in the TWW or headed there this week (shari!!). I am also sending love to those who have had a loss. It hurts my heart to hear when someone has lost their precious little angels. Peace be with you.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Gigglebaby tagged me!!!!
The Rules:1) Link to the person that tagged you
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!six things about me
I love shopping on ebay which is where I get most of my opk's, I vacum my carpet everyday and get cranky if I can't get to it, I love ice cold water I won't drink water unless it is iced, I have to take a shower every morning-I won't leave the house until I do I don't care how late I am running, I read every night before bed-I have a hard time sleeping if I skip reading, arrogant people make me so mad-they can set me off in a hot second.

OK here goes I tag Nubianlez
Candace And Deena

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Well, I did have a cyst on my ovary that burst. It hurt like hell and now I am healing. Dr.E also confirmed that my weight is a huge (pun intended) factor in the irregularity of AF and ovulation. Now I just need to keep working on it. She wants to see me in 3 months to check everything and see if I am ready to TTC again. I don't think I have lost any weight yet but I am still going at it.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

My Saturday in the ER

Wow what a way to spend my weekend! Here' s the lowdown. AF finally left wednesday. Since the bleeding stopped I have been having very bad cramps that have gotten increasingly worse. I can't miss any work because I just started this job so going to the Dr. really wasn't an option. This morning I went to see my brother (who tore his ACL skiing by the way) and when I lifted my neice to hug her I felt a pull in my lady parts and the cramps got even worse. On the way home from Jimmy's house my mom convinced me to go ahead and go into the ER and get checked. I had a four tubes of blood taken, peed in a cup, had a pelvic exam by the roughest old man Dr in the world, had an ultrasound and a vaginal ultrasound. Well, I have a cyst on my right ovary that may have burst. They really didn't have an answer as all the tests were well within the normal limits. I did find out that the blood flow to my ovaries is very normal and my uterus is tilted. I have to follow up with my OB/GYN so I will have to go on my lunch break or something. I feel better now after some pain meds.
I guess I am just feeling really down about all this. All I want is to be a mom. Now I feel like a failure. Added to that some unexpected bills came in and I am in a financial tight spot for now. I know things will even out and I will get pregnant eventually but right now it just feel insurmountable.
On the bright side the new diet is going somewhat well. Not perfect but I can see some new habits forming as I get the hang of this. And work is going really well. I am learning the ropes and working under the "golden dome" has some really great perks.
Well, here's to a better rest of the weekend!

Sunday, January 6, 2008


AF is finally tapering off very slowly. I still am not sure what the heck is going on here.
I am starting my new diet tomorrow. The more I read, the better I like it. It starts with phase one which has me start to change habits by asking me to eat breakfast, stop eating two hours before bed and start moving more. I like that the changes are gradual and with that more likely to stick. Then it moves on to more changes once the new ones have become habits.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time in months. What I am about to say shocks an embarasses me and normally I would take it to my grave. But I fear if I do keep it to myself then the grave may come sooner than expected. I weigh 259 lbs!!!!! I am 5'5 so this is a very noticable thing. I denied my weight gain for sooo long that I did not know how much damage I was doing to my body. This is the most I have ever weighed and this is not a healthy pre-pregnancy weight. I have made a firm decision to lose at least 50 lbs before even starting to think about the IUI. I believe that my recent reproductive problems are due in large part to my weight. I can do this. I put on the weight and I can take it off. I want my baby so badly it hurts and My body needs to be in optimal health to handle this.
Well, enough confessions. Here's to a fantastic week!!!!!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

26 days???????

What the fuck? I apologize for my language but this is scaring me to death. I have been bleeding for 26 days straight. The past three days have been very heavy bleeding and I am soooo tired. Dr. E ran a complete blood count and everything came back better than normal. She said to rest and drink plently of fluids. This is normally when I would be starting my next cycle so she wants to wait a few days and if it does not taper off we will see about a D&C. She really thinks I had miscarriage and with my wacky hormones this is really screwing with my body.
I have made the very hard decision to wait until at least March to TTC again with the IUI. I need time to adjust to this new job (which I love by the way) and get the $ straight. Also, with what is happening with my body I need to get healthy. I am starting the "Best Life Diet" created by Bob Greene. I decided on this because it is a total lifestyle diet and is very long term and healthy as a pregnancy diet as well. Mom is going on this with me. I ordered the book and two journals and they should be here this week. Six years ago Mom had gastric bypass and lost 235 lbs!! She has since gained back 60 and her health is not so great. We really need to turn this around. Since she will be my live in child care provider I have a great stake in getting her as healthy and strong as possible.
Well here's to a great Friday and Babydust to all my ladies in the TWW. Tammy and Gigglebaby you two are really on my mind this week.