This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


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Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Monday, December 31, 2007


As I sit here only one hour before the new year begins I pray for each and every one of my family member, friends, co workers and all of the ladies I have met on the NW TTC board that this is the year that our dreams come true.
I read over my blog posts for the past year and detected an air of negatvity. True that some craptacular things have happened, however some very wonderful things have taken place as well.
My niece Anika was born on July 27th
I started TTC and am grateful to catch the issues before I tried in vain for many months
I left a toxic job and relationships and moved on to a spectacular job at a top university where my skills are appreciated and I can truly make a difference
I have had a surgery that repaired my back and I no longer live in fear of being bedridden
I have made progress financially, even while taking a paycut
I could go on and on with the beautiful little blessings that have taught me so much this year. There has been some major healing taking place very recently and I can tell that it will only continue to get better and better.
And to my little one who is waiting to come to earth and fill my arms. Baby, mommy is ready for you. I promise I will make sure my body is healthy enough to be sure you are comfortable in my belly and will grow strong. Grandma, Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Michele, your cousins Jazmin, Donovan, Aren, Dalton, Mekah and Anika are all so exited to greet you into our family. Just be paitent and stay with Jesus until he decides that mommy's body is ready. I love you my little angel.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Moving forward while looking back

This time of year for me is a time to look back and learn from my experiences while gearing up to move forward with positive changes. I do make "resolutions" each new year but I prefer to just simply call them goals. My goals this year are 1. get pregnant! Duh 2. eat healthy 95% of the time and keep up with the excercise 3. pay off all bad debt like my car and credit cards. This all sounds like the standard goals that I set for myself last year. The difference is this year I feel a different sense of urgency about them. My body is telling me that she does not like being this fat and does not like the stress at all. When I was in my 20's I always felt like I had more time to turn around bad habits. Now I feel like it's now or never. My heart and home are ready for my baby but my body is too out of whack to consider it. I hate to think about it but the best thing may be to put of the IUI just a couple more months to get my body in better shape. Financially it would not hurt to wait and get some things taken care of first. I haven't made the decision yet but it is weighing heavily on my heart today. I just want my baby so badly but I don't want to be an unhealthy mom in any way.
Speaking of TTC, AF is still here 21 days later. What is happening? Dr. says that I may need a D&C. This kind of freaks me out. She also says that my weight may be a factor in the hormonal imbalance. I had a back injury and surgery last Feb. and have gained ALOT of weight since then. I have always been a curvy, bodacious mama :) but this is ridiculous. I hate strict diets but have heard good things about Weight Watchers and the "best life diet". If anyone has any ideas let me know.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Peace and Quiet

Christmas eve dinner with the family at my brother's house was nice, but interesting. My SIL side of the family is very competitive with the kids by attempting to purchase their love. My side of the family, not so much. We know we love each other and tell each other so. We have no need to prove it beyond that. The kids other grandma handed my mother's and my presents to the kids first, they each got one fairly nice gift from the both of us. Then disappeared to her car and brought in tons of gifts for the kids. Not bad for the kids, they were exited. However, after they opened the gifts she asked them and I quote, "Now whose your favorite grandma?" Those poor kids were stunned and my SIL quickly changed the subject. My mother being the graceful woman she is just went on without saying a word. But alone today she did tell me that it hurt her feelings. The other grandma has also been known to make the babies cry by, when my mom is holding one of them she will take their pacifier or bottle and then take the baby and say, "did that mean old woman bother you?" Nice real nice. I may be a single mom to be but at least I know my kids won't have to go through that crap.
Anyways the kids were great, the food was delicious and now I'm hungover:)
AF has been here for over 16 days!!!! What the freakin hell?? I will call the Dr. tomorrow to see what's up but my insurance at the new job won't start until the 1st. I don't know why this would be happening other than the stress of the last couple of months. My dr. had initially said that she thinks I may have had an early miscarriage the last TTC cycle so maybe my body is trying to work things out. This has me worried right now. Just trying to look forward to the rest of the week and relaxing on my time off.
Hope everyone had a great holiday!!

Monday, December 24, 2007


I just want to wish everyone a peaceful and loving Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Yule or even just Dec.25th. This has been a very trying and surprising year for me. I have discovered that when I really want something I will stop at nothing to get it. I have also discovered that I have more love in me and that it is selfish to keep it all inside. My vow this year is to love deeper than I every imagined. My baby will come to me this year and next Christmas will be even more joyus for us all as we prepare to give birth or are holding our precious miracles in our arms.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Wiped out!!

Today was my second day on my new job. Good news is everyone is super nice and this office does not believe in the hierarchy. Titles are not used and everyone's office door is open. I went to lunch with both directors of financial aid today. A little awkward but nice. This is a highly respected, national university with a great history of community service so I am proud to work there.
My former job just screwed me out of my last paycheck. They sent my last paycheck and it only showed 3days of work instead of two weeks so the rest of my Christmas shopping will be brief:( Of course there is nothing I can do now that they show me as "terminated". I resigned I was not terminated. I am so pissed, I worked so hard for them and now they treat me like this. If I did not fear being sued I would tell everyone what insurance company this is and tell you not to spend your money there. Truth is you can get cheaper rates elsewhere anyways.
Oh well, I guess this tells me I did make the right choice by leaving.
The univeristy will be giving me my first paycheck this Friday so it shouldn't be too tight financialy. Bad news is I have to wait for my tax refund to do my IUI so unless the money fairy comes by, I may have to hold off till Feb or March.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Winter Wonderland!!!

We are smack dab in the middle of a snow storm. It is gorgeous. I live on a somewhat main road as the other main road that leads to the mall is closed right now and the cars going by are sliding like crazy. I hope they wise up and slow down.
Jimmy and Michele just dropped by with my neice Mekah to give us a neat Florida fruit basket and the new family photos. They felt like going for a drive to see the lights and enjoy the snowfall. Have I said lately just how much I love my family? Mimi is three yrs old and the most beautiful baby in the world. But then again I say that about my other neices Jazmin and Anika as well. I am so proud of Jaz. She won a photography contest at the county level, got first place in the talent competion(dancing) at 4-h this summer and got her very first job at Glamor shots. She is such a beauty. A dancer, singer, gifted photog, animal lover and still manages to keep her g.p.a. at a 3.99. All at only 16 yrs old. I hope like mad that she will not throw it away for a man like I did at that age. Oh well live and learn.
It is this time of year that I like to reflect on the past year and see what I can learn from it and what I need to let go. The most important thing is my efforts to concieve my baby. I have learned so much about my body and spirit. I have also learned that I need to take care of this body I have been given. The back injury and surgery knocked me out and caused a domino effect in my body. I must lose this weight or I risk another herniated disk.
I need to let go of the past hurts if am to move on in a more postive way. Like most women I know I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I thought that I had moved past it a long time ago. However, I don't think I really have. Sometimes things will happen and the memories will come rushing back. I was refered to a male Dr. for the IUI and I panicked for a moment about the thought of him touching me. This is the reason I only see female M.D.'s. I also think this is a reason why I am so guarded in my relationships with men. I would love to hear how other women have overcome this.
WOW where did all that come from? I guess when I have time to think I can really let it out. LOL!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Slow day

I haven't really had any length of time off in a while. I did have a weeks vacay in July but that was during my first TWW and when AF came it was all I could do to keep it together. It feels good to putter around the house and get everything ready for the holiday. I do find that I am eating the crappiest things. I try to eat healthy 90% of the time but this week it's been all chips, dip, pop and cookies. Let me tell you my body is telling me to cut it out. I am trying to lost 10lbs. before the IUI next month and I just keep gaining??!! I am not exercising and that usually will help me lose the weight without too much calorie cutting. Also, the stress of the "job from hell" over the past two years has really taken a toll on my body. I have gained 60lbs:( I have herniated discs (had surgery last Feb and now feel ok) and my skin is horrible (I look like a 16yr old boy). Getting the new job at ND was the best thing that could have happend. It is high time to take care of myself and create a healthy and calm body for my baby dot to implant.
We (me and mom) are going to Jimmy and Michele's (bro and sil) house for Christmas Eve this year. Usually I host Christmas Eve and then Christmas day is spent at home for all of us. This year with a new baby, hauling six kids over here is too much so Chele is cooking and we are having a formal dinner there. I am really looking forward to it. My gorgeous SIL is the best gourmet cook and she has promised me prime rib and champagne. YAY!!! I all have to do is bring my gifts, dress up and show up!!
By the way I can't wait for the new "Sex And The City" movie to come out in May. That was my most favorite show ever. I have missed the clothes, men and glamour sooo much. I want to know if Carrie and Big get married, does Charlotte finally get her baby, do Miranda and Steve have another baby, does Samantha finally settle down with Smith? I need a little of that here in my Midwestern town. I just may have to buy a new pair of shoes just to go see it. Then again I will be preggie (hope is good) and will need "comfortable shoes" aka no high heels.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Oh how we love the drama

More dramatics on the NW boards when I checked in this morning. Some hoo ha over someone possibly using two different screen names. Allegedly one poster took items from another without paying and now is having some family and financial troubles and my be using a different screen name to post again. Instead of being compassionate of this persons hardships there are some self important, high and mighties who themselves use different screen names to do some detective work and try to expose the poster by comparing use of caps and puncuation. Well "friend" I think you may have exposed yourself in the process. The reason I am bringing this up is that this is really not so important that we need to again start more drama over it. If you don't care for someone do you really spend so much time on them or do you let them go?
I myself would rather share info pertaining to TTC and the struggles we all endure during it. This is a season and time of year for clearing out closets both literaly and figuratively. It is OK to let some things pass without dwelling negatively on them.
Anyways, enough of my bitching.
I went to the university today and picked up my id card and parking pass. My picture on my id looks like I am completley colorless. I don't know what it is about those cameras but they take the most unflattering photos. I think the DMV uses the same equipment :)
Since I am taking a few days off before starting the new job, I slept in. I felt sooooo good and wierd at the same time.
I am holding off on finishing my Christamas shopping until next weekend. Yes, I love the last minute stuff. I find it exiting and festive I really don't stress out about it.
Until next time, BABYDUST to all!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Boy was that fun!!

Today was my last day on the nightmare job. It was so liberating to walk out of there and know that I will never have to go back to work there. I can't wait to start my new job this Monday. I go tomorrow to get my badge and parking pass. The best part is after my first week I will have the entire week of Christmas off until Jan2nd. Such fun such fun.
And just to nail the coffin shut on the old job, as I was clearing my desk out and getting ready to go, this old crone comes up to me and says, "good luck with having a turkey baster baby and all" and laughs her a#s off. I only told one supposedly good friend just how I am trying to get preggie. Apparently she told the nastiest bi#ch on earth. It only made me even more sure of my decision to move on.

Monday, December 10, 2007

It's about time

Midwest finally got all of my registration paperwork and I was able to order the long profiles on my top three choices. Tammy you were right, they are really sweet and easy to deal with there. I still don't know that the problem was but I think it had something to do with my local post office.
AF came on time this month with a "normal" 28 day cycle. Last cycle must have been a fluke. I am getting really exited about trying again with the Dr. assisted IUI. The bad news is, I now work for a Catholic university and they do not cover some medications due to religious beliefs so I will have to foot the bill for some of it. Clomid is now at Wal-Mart for 9$ though they still don't sell sperm for half price :)
It was about this time last year that I began the process to use anonymous donor sperm to get preggie. When I think back I realize how much I didn't know. I thank the universe for sending me the NW message boards and all my ladies who answered my every question with dignity and respect. Twondra, Gigglebaby, Wantbaby, Jpheonix, Cindyf, Friendamy and everyone else. I love you guys so much. The support and wisdom means so much to me. I can't wait to share our pregnancies, birth stories and baby pictures with each other.

Friday, December 7, 2007


are definitely looking up these days!!
Everything went well with the hair drug test. (of course) If you have ever had one you will know that even if you don't do drugs you will leave the clinic looking as if someone who does do drugs just cut your hair:) !!! I recently cut about 15 inches off my hair and now have a really nice short do. Well they took three samples from three different places about the size of a shoelace tip and they cut very close to the scalp. So now if you are looking at the back of my head it looks as if my stylist hiccuped, LOL.
I start my new job the 17th and my last day at the current job is this next wednesday. It was a happy moment when I turned in my resignation.
On the TTC front the new sperm bank STILL has not gotten my paperwork. I have mailed twice and faxed once. I am going to give it one more go and mail it certified. I bothers me that somewhere out there floating around is all my personal info including my ss# and bank info. What the H happend to my papers? Have they been sucked into the postal vortex??
I started my Christmas shopping today and have my three nieces and my mom done.
My mom is a collector of antique teapots and tea sets. I found two vintage, victorian tea sets on ebay. This lady is going to scream. She has been looking for these pots for years. Two of my nieces and my three nephews are getting gift cards to their favorite stores. For Jazmin(16) Old Navy, Mekah (3) Barnes and Noble, Donovan(15) and Dalton(12) Dick's Sporting goods and Aren(13) Machielski's art store. The baby Anika is only 4mos so she is getting a"busy ball popper". My Brother and SIL are getting a Visa gift card and a voucher for a free night of babysitting so they can go on a date. I think that should make them all happy. Oh and for me? Sperm.... lots of sperm. HA!!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I start my new job Dec. 17th. I go take my hair drug test tomorrow morning. I am so exited.
This marks the begining of a fresh start for me. It's about time something good happend!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Thank you

To all who had kind words for me this week. I am feeling much better. I know that letting her go was the most loving thing I could have done. She was treated with love and respect by the vet and that also helped me to make the decision. I guess I just didn't realize how hard this would be.
Thanksgiving was wonderful. The dinner turned out well and having all six of my nieces and nephews was such good medicine for me. My beautiful sister in law and I had some time to talk about my TTC. It feels so good to be able to be open and honest about this. The support from the boards and my family has made all the difference.
Apart from Thanksgiving the entire week has been stressful. From losing Sasha to work stuff. My third interview is this Wed. and I fully expect to be posting good news. I bought a new power outfit to wear just to boost my confident and project an image of professionalism. Send me all the positive vibes you can spare!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My Sasha is gone

I am in so much emotional pain right now it hurts to breathe. I had to euthanize my 15 yr old kitty this morning. She was so sick and had lost control of her bladder and bowels. There was nothing I could do for her. My mom took her in and stayed with her until she passed, I could not handle it. Mom said she didn't know what happend and was in no pain. I miss her so much. She was such a loving kitty.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


It's down to me and one other person for the job. I go back next wednesday the 28th for a 3rd and final interview. My former boss emailed me today to let me know that she gave me a glowing interview. I guess I should be flattered that out of 58 applicants I am in the top two. I just really want out of my current job so bad. I am so tired of being treated like a mindless imbecile. I am college educated, self sufficient, hard worker. I don't need to be constantly monitored and "coached" on how to display the "proper company behavior". Whatever. Well wish me luck next week, I am really working hard to get this job and damnit I deserve it!!!
Tonight and tomorrow after work I will be getting the house ready for Thanksgiving. There is not that much to do but I just need to make sure the breakables are out of reach of the babies and the bathroom has enought TP and soap. You know the usual company's coming over stuff. Well, I wish everyone a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! Whatever your plans just take the time to remember what good things you have been given.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


That's how I feel right now and not in a good way. I think I may be coming down with something. Yesterday at work was torture and not just for the obvious reason that I hate my damn job. I can't concentrate and I stumble over my workds. LOL!!
The interview with ND on Friday was spectacular. It could not have been more perfect. I will be surprised if I don't get the job. If I get it then I will have Christmas week off. I have not had a holiday week off since I started this crap job. Both people I interviewed with were so personable and nice. It felt like I was having a conversation with my friends over a cup of coffee. I have never had an interview go so smoothly. I hope that is a good omen. They said that they will call tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest with the word on whether I got it or not and I will start the first week of December. Please pray for me, or send my your positive thoughts.
AF is still here, 8 days later. I have never had a period last this long. But then again until I began TTC my cycles were perfect. My amazing and beautiful SIL is being so supportive about all of this. I can't believe I thought she would'nt be. I'm thinking of asking her to come with me for the IUI. My mom will be there and I would love to have them both there to hold each hand.
I bought my turkey for Thanksgiving. 18.5 lbs. I hope it will be big enough :) Yes I cook, and my family comes to my house every year. My little house just bursts at the seams with my mom, brother and SIL and their six kids.
Well, here's to a great week. BABYDUST to all in the TWW right now.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The verdict is in

And the results are not surprising. My progesterone is very low and I ovulate irregularly. The nurse was very optimistic about my chances though. My first cycle in January I will start clomid and then follow up with ultrasounds and a trigger shot. My OB won't be doing the IUI but she has put me in touch with her partner who will do it. I love my Dr. so much!! She is the first OB who has taken the time to listen to me and run the tests I needed. I'm glad I know now instead of the constant worrying and second guessing myself.
The sperm bank lost my registration papers again! I mailed them for the 3rd time today. I hope they make it this time. I had wanted to order the long profiles on my top 4 choices and take the month of December to pick one.
My interview in tomorrow morning. I am not nervous, just ready. I have been worried about how the change in jobs will affect my finances but I know that it will all work out. I can't let that affect my life all the time. I am trying to think positive and stay focused on bringing my baby in to the world in a loving and calm body.
Well, wish me luck and I will let you know the outcome!!! BABYDUST!!!!!!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Cycle day 2?

AF showed up last night. Full force. I guess after a 53 day cycle she was ready to show.
I am hoping this puts me back on track with my regular cycles.
I got a 2nd interview at ND this Friday. Wish me luck. I really need to change jobs. I have been unhappy with my current job for some time now and I know that it is affecting my TTC efforts.
Tomorrow is the lab tests. I will post to let you all know how that went. Babydust to all!!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

What a difference

a quiet weekend and a hot bubblebath makes. I feel so much better. I slept for 12 hours last night and have just been taking it easy. I did spot a little last night. I don't know what is going on with that but it has stopped. Never in my life have I had a late period and now all of the sudden my cycles are whacked. My mom says it's a case of the boiling pot. You know "a watched pot never boils". I think she may be right. The stress of the past month has gotten to me. Normally I am able to shrug off anything but TTC is another story. Well, here's to a great week. I will keep you all posted on my test results.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Peace at last

I had my interview with ND yesterday morning. It went very well and I will know by this Tues. if I got a 2nd interview. I am really hoping I got the job, but I have made peace with the fact that I may need to stay with my current company for a while. I went to the farmers market this morning with Mom. We had so much fun and found some great bargins. I really needed to get out for a while. All the stress over job, money, and TTC have taken a toll on my nerves.
On the TTC front my progesterone and TSH tests are this Tues. I am slightly nervous about the results but once we know then we can do something about it. I keep having dreams that I get my BFP in Jan with the first IUI. I know that it is always a 20% chance of BFP but I will aways stay positive. I believe Tammy and Marlana when they say that I will be a mommy.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


So I call my new sperm bank yesterday to see if my papers got there ok and order the long profiles on my top choices.Well, they lost them!! I have to fill them out again and pay my Dr. 15$ to sign them and start all over. Add to the fact that work is crappy and my interview at ND is on Friday. Mom is having some minor outpaitent surgery next week and my paycheck is gone before I get it this Fri. AHHHH! Ok, now that I got that out of my system LOL!!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Finally good news

I was called for an interview at Notre Dame.YAYYY!!! I am so ready for a job that I don't hate going to everyday. I started out loving my current job and it does pay well. However, the stress, scheduling and people make it an unpleasant place to spend my days. I have been sending my resume to ND for a few months. I pray that the interview goes well and I can turn in my resignation by the end of the this month. I miss being around open minded people that don't immediatly turn their nose up at differences.
I think that a change of jobs will help in the TTC process as the stress is a major concern as well as scheduling. My current job is very strict about attendance and does not allow make up time. If you miss work you have to use vacation time and you are given "points" that count against you. Everything is by the book. No special circumstances allowed. I remember when I first started working there one of the ladies baby died of SIDS. Awful and heartbreaking enough but they made her bring in a death certificate before they would let her take time off. Despicable.
Well, enough ranting about that.
Heres to a great week to all!!! Babydust to all my ladies in the TTC journey!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Trying not to let worry creep in

I keep thinking about the test results and I can't help but worry. According to my chart I did not ovulate last cycle and I only had a couple of days of light bleeding. I know the annovulatory cycles are ok once in a while. It is my worst nightmare to be infertile and never have a child of my own. I know that is not likely but when something unexpected happens I think it is human nature that we try to prepare ourselves for the worst. Thank you to all who support me and give me the words of encouragement that I need. And that means you Tammy!! I am sending you lots of babydust!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Haloween

I love this day. It is so much fun to watch to kids go around the neighborhood all dressed up. This is such an inocent time for them. It makes me think of my own child trick or treating someday. I have to keep in mind that it will happen soon. I go in next week for my progesterone testing again. I am nervous and keep awfulizing in my head that something terrible will happen. I know that this will be difficult but not impossible.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Time lapse explained

Wow does time fly. I am now posting again after looong summer break. Let me catch you up to speed. First AI in July BFN, probably an early miscarriage as I did get a faint positive before that bitch AF showed up. 2nd AI in early Sept. also a BFN. Then as a looked at my charts I realized my luteal phase is only 9 days. So off to the Dr. I go. Turns out my progesterone is quite low. My wonderful OB tells me that it is fixable and I then I proceed to feel better and get my hopes up again. Then after a 43 day cycle my ob orders more labs and finds my LH and FSH are low. Not horrible but not optimal either. So here is the plan, will start AI again in January. In the meantime I am to lose 20 lbs, start progesterone therapy and get ready for Dr. assisted IUI. with clomid and trigger shots. Whew!!
Since my last post in June I have a new niece Anika Michele who is gorgeaus and perfect. My brother and sis-in-law know about my attempts to get prego and are on board 100% (whood a thunk it!!) and I have changed sperm banks. I am now using Midwest Sperm Bank which is so close I can pick up my tank and not have to pay shipping or have it shipped and pay only 50$. I love all my ladies in the NW board and still check in while trying like hell to avoid the bloody drama going on.
I just to sum it all up. I am disappointed that this won't be as easy as I thought, relieved that my family is supportive and now know more about my cycles that I ever really wanted to. On the up side I am now holding lunchtime TTC educationals at work for a couple of ladies who are TTC and don't know the first thing about charting!! LOL!!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Here's to another great week!

Just trying to stay positive and focused. Only one more month to AI! I can't believe the time has gone by so fast. I am so ready it is not even funny. I call to order my guys on the 22nd. If I'm this exited now, just wait!!!

Monday, May 28, 2007

A much needed break

I so needed this 3 day weekend. Sat and part of Sun were dark and rainy and hence a little depressing but at least I wasn't at work. This is the time of year when I get a bad case of the burnouts.
I will be ordering my swimmers June 22nd for sure! So close. I have been working ot to get my body healthy and in the process have gained weight! I never did well with strict diets they tend to make me rebel. I know that if I just eat healthy 90% of the time, my body does quite well. This week I am focusing on eating three meals a day, no skipping breakfast and walking 30 min a day. Thats it no added pressure.
Here's to a great week ahead to all!!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Carpe Diem- In Memory of Joe

My boss passed away this past Tues. He was only 42 and had a 9 yr old daughter. It just confirms for me that I need to go for what I want and stop waiting. Money will come and go so will people so stop procrastinating and worring about what other people think. GO FOR IT!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007


a little break is all you need. As I said on friday, I have had no energy this weekend. I don't know what it is, it could be allergies. Not at all uncommon in No. Indiana in spring. I sometimes get a little down when I feel overwhelmed with things I need to do and boy do I have things to do. My house needs a good spring cleaning. I also think I need a little change of scenery. I may hop the train and go to Chicago for the day next weekend.
I have been pretty good about eating healthy save for the occasional deserts. I have also been walking on my work breaks. I just keep focused on getting my body baby ready.
Well.. here's to a great week ahead!

Friday, May 11, 2007


Oh never mind. I have absolutely no energy. I had all these plans to do some major spring cleaning on my day off today. Well, I didn't do any of it. I did my shopping done and took my neice to lunch. I guess I can do it tomorrow after work but I think I just may procrastinate and put if off. PROCRASTINATORS UNITE.....tomorrow :)

Sunday, May 6, 2007

same old......

same old. Kind of a quiet week and weekend. By Fri. I was so ready for a break I vowed to stay low key this weekend. I spent most the week trying to figure out the money thing. I was able to come up with a great plan and it is highly doable. Having surgery and being out of work for a few weeks really put me behind. Even though I still got paid it was less than usual and the bills piled up. Oh well, back on track now. Here's to a great week!!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

So exited!!

I called NW for the first time today!!! I got my questions answered. Yes I will be able to purchase my vials before I order and pay for the shipping and yes my 1st choice donor is available in iui format. This is going to happen for me!! I am trying to lose about 15 lbs before I do the 1st AI in July just to make it a little easier on my body. I hate the whole yo yo diet cycle so about 10% of the time I just let myself eat whatever. I'm still walking on my work breaks and lunch and trying to be active at home. I am getting the urge to nest and trying to spring clean the house anyways (just not getting a cooperation from mom who lives with me). She is just not as fastidious about having a clean home as I am. Work is OK there are a few hens that I am somewhat concered about. I have only told Mom and my friend carrie about how I plan to get pregnant, anyone else can just be left to wonder. I have dealt with these women for the two years I have worked there, so any comments they make can be tossed. I also keep dreaming about being pregnant. Soon it won't be a dream it will be reality!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

All I can say is......

Damn I'm tired. I took my nephew to his wrestling tourney downstate today. We had to leave the house at 4am (I am not a morning person). It was wonderful spending time with him and he placed 3rd. This gives me some idea of the lack of sleep I will be dealing with when baby comes. Speaking of which, I am a little concerned about the money aspect. I have been shorted on my paychecks a couple of weeks and have gotten somewhat behind on my savings. I want to be able to continue to try AI if the 1st doesnt take. But I can't think like that,I have to stay positive and believe that the best will happen for me. I know that sounds all hoo hoo spiritual but I truly believe that there is a little baby waiting to take it's place in my womb. This decision was too easy to make to think otherwise.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sunny Skies!!!!!!!!

I just read the message board on the NW site. My GOD two women got their BFP's!!!! I can not believe how happy I am for them. I know this journey is just starting for me and I am more than ready to go. I love that I have a place to go to talk about this. Not many people around me, friends or family would understand. My Mom knows what I'm doing and is nothing but supportive and encouraging. I can ask her anything and she is already buying baby things for me. My brother, on the other hand, not so much. He thinks I should not do this "alone". OK whatever. The weather is so beautiful today 81 and sunny. I don't want to go back to work tomorrow but of course I will. I know that I am lucky to have such a great job and this my baby money were talking about. I'm still doing the workflow project and it is sweet. Nothing much else this week other than taking care of myself. I am trying to lose 15 or 20 lbs. before I AI. I know it is important to be healthy but I jumped off the skinny bandwagon years ago and have no plans to get back on. I know I'm all that and all phat:)!! Trying to force my curvaceaous body into a stick thin mold made me crazy. I made peace with my body and feel all the better for it. Hopefully society will catch up. I know farfetched.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Allrighty then

I'm finaly getting a slight + line on the ops this is CD16. I guess I'm just anxious to know when I ovulate. I was sitting on my patio enjoying this Indiana spring when it hit me. I am going to get pregnant this year. A strange peace came over me. This is two years in the making. I keep going back to the ttc message board and an learning more everytime. I get so caught up in all the ladies stories and I find myself sending them positive thoughts. Well, heres to a great weekend!

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Forms are in and I am registered. I have money for my 1st AI attempt in July! Otherwise everything else is normal. Doing a really cool project at work and it's going ok. Family is well. The VA tech thing is bumming me out. So many young promising lives snuffed out by a man with a severe mental illness. Why can't this country get it together and treat illness of all kinds so that I doesn't spread and hurt everyone?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Here we go!

OPK's am and pm are negative on day 10. Spent the long weekend reading fertility books and watching a couple of informative dvd's. I want to be ready but I think maybe I'ts overkill at this point. I won't even have any swimmers until July. My brother came over today and was talking about how my prego sister in law is mad about getting fat. It's not fate its called BABY. I guess I'm just supersensitive because I'm already a bit fluffy and I can tell you that being fat is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Well, here's to a great week!

Saturday, April 14, 2007


I feel so resolved now. A calm sense of peace with where I'm at in this process. I am done with the pain medication from the back surgery and have purchased the evening primrose oil, an herbal tea that is supposed to enhance fertility, prenatal vitamins and O predictor stix. I should have enough cash to start AI by July as I planned. This jouney has taken nearly two years of planning and spots of disappointment when I herniated a disk in my lower back that had to be removed. I will concentrate now on charting, reducing stress and eating well. The funniest part is that I no longer give a rats ass about what anyone thinks! This is my life, my decision.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Sometimes it just hits me. I trying to get pregnant! For so long I thought it was out of my reach. Money, relationships, back problems. One thing after another. Now I'm ready. I have everything I need with the exception of unlimited cash to get started. The forms are mailed. I am charting and opk'ing. I will be starting AI by JULY!! My b-day present to myself. My back is feeling really good I am fully recovered from the surgery. I am 100% in the clear and ready to start TTC.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


Really normal Tuesday. Lots of meetings same old same old. I feel like screaming out that I am going to get pregnant very soon. However,I know that this is not the best and should keep it to myself for now. Everyone else will know soon enough. My client registration forms are done and ready to be mailed on Friday. After that all need is money ( not hard to come by) and all is set. I have been researching ovulation like crazy. I know everything I ever did not want to know about the female reproductive system :) I seems like time is going by so slow. Carrie tells me that once I am confirmed prego the time will fly. We will see!

Monday, April 9, 2007

Monday Madness (not really)

Work was ok, not bad not good but very busy. I downloaded and printed my forms to register with the sperm bank. I still don't have all the money I need but I can't believe I'm so close. I will be starting the opk's in a few days and track my cycles like crazy. Timing is everything when money is not unlimited. I don't want to take months to get pregnant but I sure am willing to do anything I need to. I just keep focused on the goal. Motherhood. Last night I took out the fews baby things I have and just looked them over. This helps me to stay on task. My sense of humour is still very much in tact,I guess that is the true test of how I'm doing.

Sunday, April 8, 2007


Kind of a quiet day. My Brother and his wife just got back from FL. She is due in July with thier sixth ,yes sixth, child and no they are not legally married either. However, he feels the need to tell me that I need a man to become a mother and should not do this "alone". Whatever, he really has no idea how soon this is happening. He really does not know that I am using AI to become pregnant, I only floated the idea past him. My Mom and friend Carrie know everything and they have been very supportive. I figure this is between me, my eggs and those swimmers.
I started saving for this about a year ago. Although that money is gone, had to have back surgery. I did not know half of what I know now.This is not nearly as expensive as I thought it would be and I can take it a month at a time. I also have been charting my cylces and have a better grip on when I ovulate. I also have the feedback of the NW message board. I figure it will be July or August when I do the first AI. Until then I get the great freakin joy of watching my dear SIL pound out her sixth baby and now every woman at work seems to be prego. Well, sooner or later it will be me!