This is my place to share my journey to becoming a mother and anything else that is going on in my life. Welcome!!


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Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Squeasy Queasy

Had a great weekend with my neices and oldest nephew, although much too short (as always). I swear, someone should do study on why the workweek drags and the weekend feels like one hour!
OPK's are getting darker and I am getting queasy. I'm not sure why, maybe the clomid? I get this wave of nausea and fatigue and then I'm fine.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Much better now

I seem to be much better now after a good nights sleep. I still have hot flashes that rival a bonfire but the mood swings are getting better. I start the OPK dance today and have a faint pos so things are getting underway. Just knowing that progress is being made helps me deal with the roller coaster ride that is TTC.
I start my night job this Monday so I may be MIA but I will update as much as I can. I don't know how long I can keep up with the hours but I will quit when I feel it is too much to handle. The goal is to get out of the money hole as fast as possible and then go back to my one measly job :)
Here's to a great weekend for all!!!!!

Thursday, June 26, 2008


This is not fun anymore. I am hot, tired and can't sleep and feel like either crying or screaming....or both. I felt like crap yesterday and had to leave work early in order to just decompress. I am doing my best not to stress out over little things or big ones. Money is always in the back of my mind right now, especially when my gas tank is low. I just need to keep relying on God to see me through. I know that all of this is going to get me my baby so I can take it!

Monday, June 23, 2008

all is well

This is day 4 on Clomid and so far everything is fine. The only side affect I am feeling right now is hot flashes and fatigue. Other than that, so far so good. I have been feeling somewhat heavy in the ovaries but nothing I can't manage.
Yesterday I got to spend the day with my two youngest nieces Mekah and Anika. It was so much fun and exhausting. Anika is learning to walk and never wants to be still. Mekah is three years old and never stops asking why. We spent some time in the kiddie pool until it threatened to rain and then watched a few Disney movies. It was the best day I have had in a long time.
I have been really, super stressed about money lately. So I had a very long talk with God and came to the conclusion that no matter what, I will be fine. I may up to my eyes in bills and a loan that I have to pay back in month, but I can do this. There are things that I can cut out until things even out (starbucks and eating out) and taking the bus three days a week is not going to kill me (at least it's air conditioned). Such is the life a single income household. It does me no good to stress about something that I am already do what I can to resolve. God takes very good care of me and will not let me fail.

Friday, June 20, 2008

And were off......

CD 3, day one of Clomid. So far so good, just a little dizzy at the moment not at all unpleasant. However, I do reserve the right to change my mind on that. I am so exited and ready to do this.
I am trying to stay positive in light of the money problems going on with me right now. I had a long talk with God and decided that whatever happens, I will be alright. Even if I don't work a 2nd job, it will take me a few months to dig outof this money hole and I am so determined not to get in another. I will also be taking the bus to work for while which is free with my employee id card. I have to leave the house an hour early every morning but it should save me at least 40$ a week in gas.
I have parents calling everyday telling us that they are losing their jobs and homes and can't pay for their kids to go to school anymore. It breaks my heart and at least I have my job and home.
Well, more Clomid updates to come. Good luck and babydust to everyone!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The sad state of the economy.......

reflected in my life. I now have a 2nd job, working part-time in the evening cleaning offices. Why? For fucking gas money, which by the way is now $4.19 here in South Bend. Can you tell I'm angry? I was doing just fine getting along on my little salary. Granted I was never able to go to Europe or buy 10 vials of sperm at a time, I was making it. Then IT happened. I had to have a tooth extracted and my insurance won't pay for it. So, in order to not be in mucho pain, I took money out of my account and paid for it, which put me in a nice, big money hole that I can't seem to get out of without a 2nd job. The really shitty thing is, there are other people working this night job who are in the same situation as I. College educated, middle class, working folks who can't seem to cover all our expenses with just one job. The good news is this should be temporary and is only during the week, no weekends. It seems like the price of EVERYTHING went up and my paycheck didn't get bigger. So here I go working from 8am-11pm m-f while trying to stay calm and healthy before my big TTC cycle next month. BTW---today is cd1 of the "great dry run of 2008" so I should be starting the Clomid this Friday or Sat.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

getting soooo close

Well, it's almost time!! Things worked out ok with the money. I was able to sell my season football tickets and now have ordered my vials and have my clomid ready to go. I am so glad I switched to Midwest. When I ordered my donor the director herself told me alot about my donor. He has confirmed pregnancies and is a great guy with "pretty green eyes". I feel so strongly about him.
The OB recomended a "dry run" for this next cycle, so I will be taking the clomid without doing the IUI. So here we go :)!! I am so ready for this. Dr. E says clomid tends to have a cumulative effect so taking it for one month before the IUI may increase my chances of BFP. I am a bit worried about the side affects but that is par for the course. Mom said that the side affects sound alot like pregancy itself so it will be practice:)

Monday, June 9, 2008


Why does this always seem to happen??? I had an unexpected expense (dental surgery) and now my checking account is majorly overdrawn, which means I will be taking a small loan for the IUI this month. It won't take me long at all to get caught up, but I hate feeling as if I have no control over my fiances. I was doing so well until this happened. Because I only get paid twice a month, I sit on pins and needles until my next paycheck. The cost of gas here (4.05!!) is also causing me to hyperventilate. I will be taking public transportation at least a few days a week for the summer, this should save me at least 30-40 bucks a week. Let's hope this all blows over soon. The best case senario is to get PG right away as I don't have the moulah to try a second time for least a few months and I am so damn tired to waiting.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Almost there!!

Can you believe it is almost time already? My IUI should be at the end of June, provided my body cooperates. I have one more cycle before the cycle that I do the deed. I have OB appt this Thurs. to get instructions on Clomid and make sure everything is set for the go ahead. I am hoping the side effects are minimal as I do work with the public and don't want to bite anyones head off!
I haven't been posting or responding to the boards lately as my computer has bit the dust:( and I don't know when I will get it replaced. I need all the cash I can get right now. Of course I hope I get my BFP on the first try back from a loooong break but I need to be realistic and have cash available for a 2nd try if needed.
Here's to a great summer kickoff filled with BFP's for all!!!!