ABOUT ME
- Roxymommy
- Age 33. Single, Native American hot chick (hence the blog title). I am a left wing, liberal, treehugging Democrat. I have made the choice to become a single mother and am doing so as a foster parent. I will go head on to put the most at risk children first. This is my place to share my journey. I hold nothing back, whether it be joy or heartbreak.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Remembering
I had a miscarriage, two of them actually, last year. It has taken me this long to really admit it and talk about it. It hurts like hell and is unimaginable in terms of the emotional pain. My mom and I had a little ceremony at my grandparent's grave. I wrote a letter to my babies and buried it next to their headstone. I don't know the sex of the babies, I was barely six weeks along with both of them but I have been thinking about naming them. Gabriel and Ellis. I need some kind of closure on this as I have been so scared to try again. I feel like when I do finaly get pregnant I will need to walk on eggshells until it is "safe" to be happy about it. I would appreciate any input on this from people who have gone through this. Thanks.
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4 comments:
I've had 2 miscarriages too. Both at 7 weeks. One after our 4th IUI and 1 after our first and last IVF. It does hurt. My last one was this past March, and it still hurts. We have our adopted baby Kayla now, and the miscarriages still hurt. The pain is eased, but it still hurts. I dont think that will ever go away.
Oh, sweetie, I'm soooo sorry. ((((HUGS)))) I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't think the pain will ever go away. It might get easier, but it will never go away. We're all here for you.
*hugs* im so sorry for your losses. i agree with you, naming them can help with closure, and saying it out loud helps as well. i had a miscarriage at 6-7 weeks and it was the hardest thing i think ive ever had to go through. a lot of people dont understand that you have to mourn for that child as well, for the hope and possibility it represented.
i had my miscarriage in may of 2006 and became pregnant with my son in september 2006. i have to say that with my firest pregnancy, i was carefree and just over the moon with happieness - not a care in the world! then i lost that baby, and when i was pregnant with my son i DID walk on egg shells.
i think its normal and i think there's not a whole lot you can do. give yourself milestones and celebrate each one :) for me, i wanted to get further than i did with the first one... when i made it one day further, i relaxed a little. then i saw him on the sonogram at 9 weeks and i relaxed a little more. then at 14 weeks i heard his heartbeat... 19 weeks i found out he was a boy and saw him moving and measuring on target... 21 weeks i felt him move... each milestone i relaxed a little bit more. :)
but i wont tell you that you ever stop worrying or whatever. i thought once he was in my arms, i would stop worrying about losing him. he was here! but you DO worry :) im not sure if this will help you much, but just know that when you get pregnant again, you will be excited and happy and all of that :) its a new little person for you to care for and help grow... you will worry, but that just means youre a mommy.
hang in there hun, and if theres anything else i can do please let me know.
Obviously we haven't experienced what you have, but we can imagine the heartache you must feel. I am so sorry...
As for walking on "eggshells," try not to...this is your experience. Feel it...every bit of it. Besides, Amy said it best, "but i wont tell you that you ever stop worrying or whatever. i thought once he was in my arms, i would stop worrying about losing him. he was here! but you DO worry." You will have a lifetime of worry.
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